How to Take Control of Your Emotions with Choice Theory

Have you ever felt like your emotions are running the show—and not in a good way? Maybe anxiety takes over before a big meeting, or frustration builds up during a difficult conversation. The truth is, emotions are powerful—but they don’t have to be in charge.

That’s where Choice Theory, developed by psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser, comes in. It gives you a simple, empowering way to understand why you feel the way you do—and how to take back control.

Choice Theory is based on a simple idea: We can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond.

Choice Theory isn't about dismissing our feelings; it’s about empowering yourself to make new choices regarding how you respond to your feelings. Emotions are messages that need to be listened to and acknowledged. Acknowledging your feelings gives you the power to shape them.

Dr. Glasser believed that almost everything we do—including how we feel—is a way of trying to meet one or more of our basic human needs:

1. Survival – Safety, food, shelter, health

2. Love & Belonging – Connection, relationships

3. Power/Control – Feeling competent, respected, having influence

4. Freedom/Liberty – Independence, choices

5. Fun – Play, creativity, learning, enjoyment

When one of these needs isn’t being met, we tend to feel off—anxious, angry, sad, or unmotivated. But here’s the key: while we can’t directly control our emotions, we can choose what we think and do—and those choices affect how we feel.

Our immediate emotional response is not automatically within our control, but how we express our emotions ARE within our control. In an effort to make a healthy choice on how you express your feelings starts with asking yourself some questions.

·       Which of my basic needs is not being satisfied?

·       Does leaning into the emotion serve me? Does it help me meet one of my needs?

·       Are my emotions clouding my thoughts? Am I using a Cognitive Distortion such as All or Nothing Thinking, Catastrophizing, Emotional Reasoning, or Blaming, etc.?

Emotions are normal and human. This isn’t about dismissing them or “just being positive.” It’s about remembering you always have options regarding how you behave or express your feelings to get your needs met. You can choose how to respond to your feelings. This method helps you stop reacting on emotional autopilot and start behaving intentionally, managing your feelings with confidence.

Reference: Glasser, W. (1998). Choice theory: A new psychology of personal freedom. HarperPerennial.