Affective Responsibility and Psychological Projection: knowing when you are responsible and knowing when you aren't

In an increasingly narcissistic and self-centered society, relationships that are absent of emotional and mental boundaries threaten to become the new standard. It is a standard that allows the cultivation of toxic and damaging relationship dynamics. In these environments, individual emotional responsibility is a rare sight. However, if we want to establish more emotionally aware, fulfilling and healthy relationships, we need to develop affective responsibility.

What is affective responsibility?

Affective responsibility is your full awareness and understanding of the level of ownership you should accept when your words and actions have an emotional impact on others. It is the act of being aware that our behaviors may evoke feelings from other, both positively and/or negatively, but also understanding your boundaries regarding our level of responsibility for how others’ emotionally react to us.

This concept leads us to conceive our various social relationships as spaces where each person is affected by the actions and decisions of the other. This leads us to a more respectful and empathetic relational pattern with others’ feelings, instead of just ignoring how we influence those around us. We learn at a young age that there are socially acceptable behaviors depending on the setting and circumstances that must be followed to maintain the affective reactions of others in the same situation. For example, calmly taking turns in line to check out at a store.

The concept of affective responsibility does not mean we should adapt or change ourselves for others or sacrifice your own needs and prioritize the needs of others. It is the concept of striving to build more emotionally equitable, respectful and transparent relationships, based on the awareness that we all have the ability to generate emotions in others, as well as others can generate emotions in us without either party being responsible for the other.

This awareness allows us to communicate assertively and develop healthy skills/boundaries for meeting our own needs, but also being reasonably responsible for the experience of others.

What is Psychological Projection?

Affective responsibility is the opposite of psychological projection. When we project we think in terms of: “You are responsible for how I feel” or “I am responsible for how you feel.” As a result, it often leads to feelings of guilt, unhealthy attachment, emotional dependency, and controlling behaviors.

Psychological projection is a double-edged sword. There is a line that distinguishes the differences in circumstances where you are affectively responsible versus when someone uses psychological projection to try and make you responsible through emotional provocation. Psychological projection can also be used to manipulate people who are less assertive or have more passive/submissive personalities. The irony is that this behavior includes the emotional deflection of responsibility, affectively eliminating the belief that one has the power to make changes for one's own benefit.

We can also use emotional deflection to blame ourselves for the emotions and behaviors of others. When we think in terms of psychological projection, we tend to take responsibility for how others feel, to the point of thinking that it is our job to make them happy or meet their emotional needs.

When operating with a healthy sense of affective responsibility, we are concerned with the emotions and needs of others and may try to alleviate their discomfort, but without compromising our own needs and feelings. Knowing your own emotional and mental boundaries allows for a deeper understanding of your own affective responsibility and engage in healthier interpersonal relationship patterns.

Sources:

Johns, N. et. Al. (2016) Affective responsibility and Loneliness as Correlates of Life Satisfaction among Adolescents. IRA-International Journal of Management & Social Sciences; 3(3): 558-567.